some days i call my zero days
everything is dried up
i'm a robot
i'm on auto pilot
i feel nothing
from the moment i open my eyes
to when i lay back down
all i've done was moving my hands and my feet.
have been asleep all day
some days i call my hermit days
i feel like the sun is constantly turned off
like my shoulder are heavier than elephants
like my mind runs faster than a cheetah
yet it moves like a turtle
i feel every raindrop on my skin
i feel the sun burning every single cell of my skin
yet i can't dance under the sky
my body won't move,
my thoughts are too heavy
some other days i can't help it.
they are sometimes part of hermit days,
or they just exist on their own.
i can't help but feel unpretty.
why is my hair a mess
why is my body so large
why is my brain so sad
why is my life so empty
why are my hands shaking so much
why can't i talk
why can't i decide
why why why
i wear yoga pants and a blanket burrito-ed around my chest
to keep my heart both warm and safe
please don't reach out
please reach out
please don't touch me
please put your arms around me
please don't ask me to go out
i won't be able to look okay enough for me to like myself
my brain plays a lot of tricks on me
some days i can shut it up
i understood your little game, it won't work on me
not today, sweetheart
i know you're telling me lies
i know you're making everything too dramatic
life isn't that heavy
planet earth isnt't on your shoulders
it doesn't revolve around you
i fight agasint it
i don't believe it
i see pretty things about me
i do pretty things
some other days i listen to it
i believe its tricks
all my body will accept to do is
wait for the night to rescue me
sometimes you just have to live through your unlovely days
you have to go through them and say you've survived
even if it's just little mountains
surviving is surviving.
day by day,
you find your keystones
things that make your heart lighter,
your smile easier,
your day brighter.
singing your heart out,
whatever eases your living.
then one day,
you get out of bed and it doesn't feel like surviving anymore
it just feels like living.
to all of you soft, anxious hearts,
we beat to the same rhythm.
we will always have mountains.
ups and downs.
we will have worse and better days.
but for the days you are hurt,
welcome to the club.
all you need is a blanket.
J'écris pour calmer les tempêtes dans ma tête et pour faire le ménage dans les mots qui s'y entrechoquent.